I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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