Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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