I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
