It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
