Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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