wanna go halves on a baby?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
