you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
