im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
