She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
