I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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