So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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