Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
