Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
