I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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