Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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