Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
