I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
