Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I still have a little drunk in my system
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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