the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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