Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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