a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
