We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
