Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
