She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
