He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
