I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize