TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
