"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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