dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
