She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
