im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What a dumb baby whore.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
