3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize