just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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