He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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