Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
