The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
