dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
