I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize