Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
are you so shy because you have an std?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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