I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize