I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
