So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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