Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
