This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
