I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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