I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
