Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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