Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize