i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
