I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
