it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
