Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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