Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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