Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
