What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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