you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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