what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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