just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize