was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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