Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
