i love accidental penises.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
