11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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