they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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