I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
