i just wanna soil my oats bro
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
