i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
her vagine was all disorganized.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
