can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize