he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
