he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
