I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
