Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
