Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
