he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
