So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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