Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
