I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
