his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize